Spying on the Fat Cat
by Mosi Galilahi
Summary: CATS! The Rum Tum Tugger and Mistoffolees are sent to spy on Bustopher Jones, and things get strange. Please R&R!


Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Author's Note: Heh heh. This story is so badly OOC, but I can't seem to make myself care. Sorry. Anywho, this is a WIP and really weird. You know, all that good stuff.

The Rum Tum Tugger was bored, a fact which usually struck fear in the hearts of the cats around him. However, today, no one was paying any attention to him in the least. The overpowering heat from the sun had sunk the whole junkyard into a morass of lethargy, and even the usually hyper kittens were taking a much needed nap. He glanced around irritably, looking for someone to bother. The only ones who were still awake were a couple of the older queens, who were chattering over some boring junk. However, asleep next to them was Mr. Mistoffolees. Grinning evilly, Tugger began to quietly creep toward the sleeping tom. He could feel the older cats watching him disapprovingly, but he didn't let that stop him. As he neared the small ball of black and white fluff, he prepared to pounce.

"You, my friend, are a sad example of felinehood," Mistoffolees said without opening his eyes.

"Felinehood? What the-?" Tugger began, irritated that his game had been averted.

"Language, Tugger," Jennyanydots reprimanded sternly, shaking her head.

"Evil bat," Tugger muttered, glaring at the queen.

Misto rolled over and sat up, blinking against the light of the sun. He glanced over at Jennyanydots, who was still watching the Rum Tum Tugger closely.

"Cat, actually," he corrected primly as he began to lick his paw.

Tugger turned his gaze on Misto, now more irritated than ever.

"Will you shut up?" he growled.

"Don't say that, Tugger. Please be quiet is much more polite," the elderly queen reminded him.

"You're kidding me!" Tugger cried, throwing his paws up in exasperation.

Beside him, Mistoffolees was laughing softly in amusement.

"Actually, no," she said dourly.

Tugger looked at her closely, noting the frown plastered on her face. Obviously, she wasn't in the best of moods.

_Must be the arthritis,_ he thought.

"Ever consider smiling?" he asked, raising an eyebrow expressively.

"No," she stated. Behind her, perched on the remains of an ancient car, the other queens were trying to hide their smiles from Tugger, not wanting to ruin their companion's game. One of them had partially fallen over in a giggling fit, and was being assisted in rising to a sitting position again.

"Laughing?" he asked hopefully.

"Absolutely not," she said in an affronted tone.

"Getting laid to get rid of some of that tension?" he shouted in exasperation.

"Are you offering?" she asked coyly, batting her lashes.

"Hell, no!" Tugger cried, backing up quickly and running into Misto.

The queens and Misto were now giggling openly, amused by the arrogant tom's behaviour. Jenny was looking particularly pleased with herself, smoothing her hair down delicately with one paw.

"Serves you right," Misto said with a smile.

"Shut up, Misto," Tugger snarled, stalking away from the group.

Misto rolled his eyes at the other cat's immaturityand quickly ran after him. Tugger turned to look at him for a second, but remained silent. Misto just sighed and speeded up to keep up with the taller cat. As they passed Bombalurina, she smiled seductively, reaching out a paw to grab Tugger's leg.

"Hey, cutie," she said.

"Hey, not-so-cutie," he answered, shaking her paw of irritably.

"Jerk!" she cried as he continued walking.

Misto paused to glance back at Bomba, who looked as if she might be planning a painful death for the other tom. He had a feeling that the next few days would be rather unpleasant for the Rum Tum Tugger.

"Are you trying to make everyone mad today or is that just a side effect of your normal personality?" Misto asked curiously, jogging to catch up again.

"Side effect," Tugger said tersely.

"Thought so."

Tugger finally stopped, moving to lean against an old box. Misto sighed in relief and plopped back down on the floor in a shadowed area. The bright sun had sapped most of his energy, and the last thing he wanted to do was chase Tugger across the junk-yard.

"Why are you following me, anyway?" Tugger asked.

POV Change

Misto shrugged and rested his head against the box. Tugger kept watching him for several minutes, and then joined him. They sat in comfortable silence, neither feeling the need to speak. Closing his eyes, Misto let him sink into a hazy half-sleep, oblivious to all around him. Tugger watched the smaller cat affectionately for a few moments. He had taken to worrying about the little cat, who was alone so much of the time. It seemed that everyone liked Misto when he was doing magic, but, once done, they just went back to their lives, never giving a thought to the isolated tom.

_He needs someone, anyone, even me_, he thought despondently.

A shadow fell over him, breaking his idle revery. He glanced up quickly, only to see his brother, Munkustrap standing over him. He stood up leisurely, smiled insolently, and leaned against a pile of junk.

"Anything I can help you with?" he asked.

Munkustrap looked around furtively and then beckoned for them to follow him. Tugger rolled his eyes at the other tom's secretive behaviour and continued lounging. Mistoffolees kicked him admonishingly, trying to force him into movement. He glanced down at the smaller tom and slowly began to saunter over to where Munkustrap was pointing. When the two cats were assembled, the older tom began to speak.

"I need you to go on a super secret mission that no one here can know about," Munkustrap announced importantly.

"Maybe I should leave," Mistoffolees said, beginning to inch away.

Tugger grabbed his tail before he could get much farther, pulling him back towards them. He pushed the little tom into a sitting position and leaned against him, effectively trapping him.

"Don't you dare move a single one of your little white paws, Misto!" Tugger ordered.

"But-" Mistoffolees protested, uncomfortable at being included in the other two cats' plans.

"He's right," Munkustrap agreed.

"About my paws being white?" Mistoffolees asked hopefully.

Munkustrap glanced down at the other cat's paws briefly. To his immense surprise, they were indeed white. Tugger shook his head in amusement at his brother's oblivious nature.

"Oh, they are," Munkustrap said, still staring at them curiously.

"Uhem," Tugger coughed.

Munkustrap looked up, returning his attention to the matter at hand.

"But, no, about leaving. You need to hear this, " he clarified.

"But you said that no one here could know-" Mistoffolees paused, understanding dawning on him. "Oh, I'm going aren't I?" he asked miserably.

Munkustrap smiled consolingly and patted the smaller cat on the shoulder. Mistoffolees merely hunched down further, looking unbelievably depressed. In almost made the Rum Tum Tugger feel sorry for him. Almost. If he had to go, then his small furball of a friend would have to go to.

"Yes," Munkustrap confirmed.

"Uh huh. Woo hoo! Road trip!" Tugger cried.

"Calm down, Tugger. This is a very serious, super secret mission I'm sending you on," Munkustrap said admonishingly.

"Very serious, super secret mission. Oooh, a tongue twister!" Mistoffolees said gleefully, apparently forgetting his previous unhappiness.

"Now who's acting like a six week old?" Tugger asked snidely.

"Ah, hush," Mistoffolees replied.

"Could we get back to the very serious, super secret mission?" Munkustrap snapped, tapping his paw impatiently.

"Why not?" Tugger answered with a shrug.

"If we have to," Mistoffolees replied grudgingly.

"Well, here's what's going on. And remember: NO ONE MUST LEARN OF THIS!" Munkustrap said sternly.

"Alright, alright. Don't get your tights in a knot," the Rum Tum Tugger answered with a dismissive wave of his paw.

Munkustrap stared at him, puzzled.

"What?"

"Nothing," Tugger replied with an easy grin.

"Ignore him. It's what we all do," Mistoffolees advised.

"Indeed. Anyway, I've been informed of the possibility of violent action from one of the Jellicles, and your job is to infiltrate his home and discover if this is true," Munkustrap explained.

"Why'd you choose us?" Tugger asked curiously, perfectly aware of his own reputation.

Munkustrap glanced at Mistoffolees before he began to speak. Even to Tugger's eyes, he looked worried and slightly hesitant.

"The cat is Bustopher Jones," he said simply.

"Hell, no!" Tugger cried, backing up.

"You're joking, right?" Mistoffolees asked quietly.

"No. I'm so sorry, Misto," Munkustrap answered in an equally soft voice.

"I always knew your uncle was messed up, Misto," Tugger said, shaking his head.

"Shut up, Tugger," Misto said, his voice still unnaturally soft.

"What happened to 'be quiet'?" Tugger replied with a grin.

"Leave him alone," Munkustrap snapped.

Tugger glanced at his friend. The small cat's shoulders were drooping, and his head was bowed as he stared at the ground. The Rum Tum Tugger had never seen him look so unhappy.

"Listen, I'm sorry, Misto. I didn't mean to upset you," he apologized. He had never meant to hurt his friend.

"It's okay."

Several hours later....

"Let's get going," Mistoffolees said, pushing Tugger out of the shade of the car.

The taller cat glared at him but let his friend lead him away. A road to the left of the junkyard would take them to the better part of town, the part of town where Bustopher Jones lived.

"Yeah, let's go see the fattest of them all," he said with a casual air, stepping onto the pavement.

"Tugger," Mistoffolees said warningly.

"What you'll look like in a few years," Tugger said with a mischievious smile.

"Not a chance," protested Misto.

"I don't know about that," Tugger said breezily.

"There is not an inch of fat on me! Of course, the same can't be said of you...." Misto said, pausing in his steps and looking Tugger up and down.

"What!?" the taller tom cried, affronted.

"Well, heaviness does run in your family as well. I mean, look at your father. As much as I admire Old Deuteronomy, he could use a little time on a diet," Mistoffoloees pointed out.

"You are one rude little cat," Tugger muttered.

"Just speaking the truth," Mistoffolees replied playfully.

There was a long silence as the two cats continued towards the town. The road stretched out before them, the marks of cars dark upon it. Dark houses lined the road, their windows dark in the early evening gloom.

"I'm not fat," Tugger said, breaking the silence.

"Whatever," Mistoffolees said, assuming a placating tone.

"I'm not," protested he.

"Yeah, whatever you say," Mistoffolees replied with a perfectly serious face.

"You're evil, " the Rum Tum Tugger sighed.

A/N: Yeah, seriously lacking in description, isn't it? It needs some major beta reading. But, review anyway, k?


End file.
